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This is an attempt at being completely unserious, few will get this but feel free to comment if you like

Yeti, a guide to evolution

The Yeti. A mysterious evolutionary branch of our own noble human-selves is a fascinating subject, and one that we now begin to cover now.

The Yeti is the spiritual evolution of the human spirit, with manifestations of physical changes acting as the most noticeable shift into this new state of manliness. As they begin their spiritual climb up the mountain of understanding, the man often finds himself manifesting a large, often long, and thoroughly unkempt beard and hair that reaches long and back over the shoulders. In actuality, this shift from the clothed being to one of more natural state is merely the first step in promoting a well-being-ness with the environment around them.

It is interesting to note the natural habitat of the Yeti is as diverse as those of its evolutionary brother the “Big foot”. Separated only by the ocean between them, they follow the same path into manliness as each other. Though the “Big Foot” is famed less for its illustrious hair and more for its size 27 feet and its difficulty in finding appropriate footwear.

The defining similarity in both, besides their path to Zen like manliness, is their hair and their long and full beards, sometimes harbouring small nests of birds as a result of their seclusion. Their oneness with nature is an important aspect of their ascension and when arriving out of their trance like state and back into the flesh and blood real world, they can sometimes find themselves as part of a more permanent home for animals that have taken up residence alongside the Yeti.

The Yeti, and Big Foot, alike have adapted well to their environments, taking on one of three roles as befits their various feelings on the best way to exhibit their manliness. The three yeti societal classifications are ; Domesticated, Free range and Secluded.

Domesticated

The domesticated Yeti, or House Yeti as it is sometimes referred to, is the wildly accepted social norm for this enhanced stage of manly evolution. Often sporting a more manageable beard, and brushed flowing hair, the domesticated Yeti is a joy to behold in civilized society and provides a perfect example of the achievements possible in the human race, on the male side, of course.

Yeti's of this calibre are often seen promoting the sciences as well as spiritual research within universities and positions of authority. Turning their key insights to problems often beyond standard human understanding. It is often for such reasons that the phrase “Oh, how I yearn to be a Yeti” is brought up.

Other aspects of this particular socially accepted Yeti are those that seek marriage and relationships with their fellow kindred, in this case female humans since it is often quipped that women have no need to evolve further. As such, no female Yeti exists, though on occasion ascension has been attempted by those over eager to prove the theory wrong.

Free Range

The Free range Yeti is nature's wilder side, having foregone inclusion into “ polite ” society, the free range is often seen loping across hill tops and through the wilds of the valley with his beard streaking out behind him in a wild frenzy of movement. On occasion, the wilder cousin is seen in polite society, often zooming past at incalculable speeds much to the delight of men who all seem to feel decidedly embarrassed in the presence of the streaking Yeti as he zooms on by.

There are occasions where Free Range Yeti settle with a partner as well, though often they return back to the wilds to raise their family, sometimes on the move as they do so. Entire families of Yeti loping across the fields in wild care free abandon. Embarrassing all that cross their path, with their gleeful indulgence in nature.

Secluded

The final Yeti of note is the secluded Yeti. Having reached the pinnacle of their enlightened state this particular Yeti caste feels the need to shun society and its unnatural ways. Often secluding themselves on prime real estate in such habitats as rainforests, mountain tops and quiet beach front property.

This drive to return the world and its inhabitants to a more natural state means most secluded Yeti use what remaining wealth they have to buy up undeveloped land and dedicate it to a nature reserve.
As such it is often a sight to see as a secluded Yeti ponders the nature of things, while birds delicately braid his ill kept mane and plait his beard.

On long cold nights the Yeti, of all castes, and under full moon light are often heard yodelling into the cool night air. Some having theorised that it is a new communication method, and more in tune with nature. This is the only time the secluded Yeti openly acknowledges his brethren, as he yodels out into the darkness of the night and keeps in contact with his fellow Yeti.

To be continued...

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